A TOPICS’ reader sent in this picture of a couple of shoppers using their brains to transfer groceries on a push bike.

The answer? Grab a rope and tie the trolley to the back of the bike. Foolproof right? Topics wants to know how this escapade turned out.

We’ve heard of work colleagues carrying cartons on their shoulders while riding a push bike and receiving almost royal treatment from passers by.

What other innovative forms of transporting goods have you witnessed?

Tattoo you

THE first weekend of NRL action brought about a few annoyances in Topics that are currently dominating most Australian, and world, sports.

The first; the emergence of tattoos. Why is it that sports players seem obsessed with covering themselves in mediocre markings? Tribal tattoos on people with no tribal heritage? No thanks.

It seems it is a requirement for sports stars to invest their hard-earned in inking themselves with the most ridiculous design they can find. Are they trying to outdo each other?

What’s the worst tattoo you’ve seen on a sports star or, while we’re at it, on a member of the general public?

The second blight on sport at the moment is the half-time interview.

Watching television journalists approaching an out of breath player is possibly one of the most cringworthy moments in a football game.

The player is usually on the losing side and the question inevitable.

How are you guys going to win from here? What do you think you need to improve? The answers are never far from cliches and uncomfortably predictable.

There’s not much a buggered player can say when coming off the field to a 2-0 or 14-0 scoreline, so leave them alone and get on with the analysis.

Monthly sudsful

TOPICS tried, and failed, to do his body some good this month.

He planned on giving up drinking for a whole 30 days.

Yet it seems that if you want to give something up the only way to avoid ridicule is to make sure it rhymes with the month you have chosen.

Topics was told that he should ‘‘wait for Dry July’’ to give up the alcohol because March didn’t rhyme with anything.

Topics wasn’t happy, he got a dressing down from mates for what was perceived not as strength, but a poor excuse.

Unfortunately it was too late before Topics found a rhyme – Parched March.

Have you got rhymes for the rest of the year’s months? So far we have Febfast, Sober October [Ocsober] and No Goon June with Dry July and Parched March.

Chivalry, or sexist

A GOOD friend of Topics’ recently expressed outrage about holding doors open for people.

As a gentleman he’s all about it. Yet he was left speechless recently when he performed the act for one lady at Newcastle University.

Struggling under the strain of a heavy load of shopping the man still endeavoured to perform an act of chivalry.

Yet once the lady passed through there was no acknowledgment – not a smile, not a thank-you, not even eye contact.

Topics, when he has his head screwed on, often tries to hold doors open and inevitably gets stuck for a good minute while a deluge of busy office types charge through. It’s a situation you can get stuck in.

Though while people often claim that chivalry is dead does anyone actually really care? This one lady does not, or is too young to know that it once existed.

TOWIE: How successful was the wheel thing – a shopping trolley towed behind a pushbike?